Thursday, September 18, 2008

To text (or not to text...)

Okay. So if you’ve ever known anyone of the opposite sex EVER in your life, you know this to be true: Men and women communicate differently.

I know… it’s shocking! But alas, it’s true. And let’s face it: The fact that we communicate differently creates all sorts of messes in our relationships.

Take, for example, my friend M, who ran into an ex-boyfriend over the weekend. They had dated the summer between their junior and senior years in college. During the summer, their romance fizzled. But when during the fall, when they went back to different colleges in different cities, it fizzled.

Anyway, they ran into one another over the weekend at a little sports bar. M says they eyed one another to make sure it really was who they thought it was. Eventually, he made his way over, they reconnected and enjoyed pleasant catch-up conversation.

His phone was dead, so he suggested she text him with her new cell phone number. He also invited her to go hang with him and his friends at another local bar… but she was tired and thus, declined.

But per his request, she sent him a text that read something like, “Hey, it was good to see you!” She didn’t identify herself and – worse yet – has no way to know if her number actually showed up.

Last night, after much consideration and several (SEVERAL…) glasses of wine, we decided that she should text him again but be more specific. After all, she never identified herself. He might not know who it was who was texting, right?

So, we formulated a text message that was (we think!) breezy, unstudied and spur-of-the-moment.

It took 30 minutes to write.

“Hey, it’s M… Hope you guys had fun at RPs last weekend! Let me know if you ever want to grab a drink and catch up.”

He hasn’t responded.

Maybe we should have listened to the advice of two guy friends who piped up and gave their two cents. They said (and I quote), “Guys don’t like it when girls call.” But seriously, why ask someone to text you and why invite them to continue hanging out if you have no intention of responding?

This is what we girls like to call, "Giving Mixed Signals."

Were the situation reversed and it had been M who requested the original text message, she would have responded by Tuesday with a light (and thoughtfully composed) return text.

So why don't boys play by the same rules? Because (sigh) we communicate differently. And because of that difference, M is stuck obsessively checking her phone for new messages and wondering if she read this silly boy wrong in the first place.

4 comments:

  1. I have to say that I've never learned to speak "guy" language. I seem to only speak "girl" language, and being able to only speak "girl" language has cost me much heartache. I wish, just like with any foreign language, that we could get an interpreter to help me understand "guy" language better.

    It might prevent hearts from getting broken.

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  2. Hopefully, not sounding absolutely off my head - I wish I could just get into a guys' head, rummage around a bit just to "fix" the short cut in his brain before he speaks to me, so i might understand what he says... Get the right "go" signals, so to speak!

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  3. hi - i completely loved your story -- mostly b/c i had a similiar expereince lately. i ran into someone who i used to date years ago at lunch one day. we chatted, he gave me his business card asking me to email him. so i sent what i thought was a friendly email stating how nice it was to run into you etc. and provided a few updates. 2 weeks later -- nothing. oh well, but why bother if you're not going to respond??

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  4. Haha. This is funny cuz I'm in the same situation as your friend right now. I double texted the person thinking they didn't receive my last one. AND maybe I'm reading too much into the text messages I received in my end a little too much in depth. Should've just called, but then maybe a call would've been too much. *sigh* Technology.

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