Baggage: part two

Baggage. We all have it. Some just have more of it than others…

Since college, nearly every serious boyfriend I’ve had has come with a cargo carrier of luggage, which ultimately has affected our relationship. At some point in time, I've fallen for men who have had drug abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abandonment, twisted family trees, cheating partners and serial dating issues. In short, I've managed to date just about every unavailable man I've ever met.

I thought my pattern of dating unavailable men was turning around when I started dating Ex-Boyfriend. Sure, he was resistant to change and unable to communicate. He'd previously been in a really toxic relationship, which I always felt kind of hardened him and made it hard for him to open up. But all in all, he was fairly normal.

On the outside, so it the guy I just met. We've only been on two dates, but the chemistry is amazing. He’s sweet. He’s funny. He’s smart. He's romantic. He's expressive. He’s MUCH more romantic than ANY guy I've ever dated - he wants to hold my hand, he calls when he says he will. 

So what's the baggage? 

He has one son with one woman, and a pending divorce with the mother of his second child. Yes, you read that correctly. He has a wife and a baby mama.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve never given a lot of thought to dating someone who already has children. I truly believe that your child is your child, regardless of whether s/he is genetically related to you. While the idea of dating a single parent is a little nerve-wracking, it’s not a barrier to a future relationship.

A wife is, though.

I mean, they've only been separated for eight months, so it's not even final, yet. Yes, he assures me that it’s over for him and the process is down to just technicalities. He was honest enough to tell me this on our first date, giving me plenty of time to back up and run for the hills. He offered not to call me again until his divorce is final. I admire that he was so forthright; it speaks volumes of his character.

But it still freaks me the fuck out.

Just having that connection with someone so immediately is discombobulating enough –- I'm notoriously self-destructive when a relationship is "good" -- but throw in the rest and, well, you can see why I have such serious reservations. I’m left with more questions than answers. Questions like:

• Do I just go with the flow and pursue things now? 
• Should I wait until the ink has dried on the divorce decree before progressing with the relationship? 
• Is he playing me, telling me about all this crap up front because he wants me to fall for his "honesty" when he's really just trying to get in my pants?
• Is chemistry the same thing as a connection -- or are my hormones just out of control?
• Is it even worth pursuing... or is this just too much baggage to sign up for?

We all have baggage. Some just have more of it than others. At this point in my life, though, I'm wondering if I'll ever find the person whose baggage goes with mine.