Date #7 - Lord of the Rings

Tonight was date #2 with Mr. Marvelous. Our first date was just okay, but since we'd had so many great phone conversations before it, I wanted to have a second date.

We decided to meet at Macaroni Grill... except that, as I realized about 30 minutes before date time, I realized that Macaroni Grill is closed. So instead we met at Ruby Tuesday. lOnce again he brought me a flower, only this time it was two yellow roses. I sort of got the impression that every date we'd have, the more flowers I would get. It's a sweet gesture, but considering the amount of doom I felt about going on this date I couldn't really appreciate it for what it was worth.

As I blogged in my last post about Mr. Marvelous, I had a completely different image of him in my head than the person who appeared in front of me on our date. You might recall that I thought he was this cute, shortish guy before I met him... but in reality, he's tall and lanky with a weird body shape. What I didn't realize was that he actually reminds me a bit of a hobbit. Broad face, pointy ears. Sort of like this, but with shorter hair:



I came to this unfortunate realization about 5 minutes into our date... try enjoying your salad when all you can think is, "Frodo! Frodo Baggins!"

Sigh.

So we ordered and I tried to put the hobbit resemblance from my mind. My meal came with a salad bar, which he told me I could go enjoy. (Yes, you read that correctly. Told me.)

10 minutes in and I'm already annoyed that he's giving me permission to go to the salad bar. This was gonna be a long night.

I made myself a huge and delicious salad, which I began to enjoy upon my return to the table. However, he kept making comments about how weird he felt watching me eat. So I moved the plate to the side and waited for our meals to come. But then he got all weird about having chastised me for eating my salad. Hello dude?! What do you want from me?!

20 minutes in and I wanted to kill him.

While we were making idle conversation, he wanted to know what my first impressions of him were. I guess I wouldn't have thought that was such a weird question if my first impressions of him were positive. I know he was just trying to give me a compliment because he liked my "spirit", but I was just sort of put off by the whole question.

Our food came a few minutes later - thank goodness, because the awkward silence was starting to streeeeeeeetch. Except that during dinner he talked about salmonella poisoning. And the silence began to streeeeeeetch again.

We finished our meal and the server brought the check. I picked up the tab because I knew I was about to break things off and figured a free meal would at least soften the blow. I got the impression that he wanted to linger and chat some more. I suggested we head out.

We walked out to the parking lot and I mentioned I was going to walk over to the bookstore for a few minutes, so this would be where we parted ways. He went for the hug/"I had a great time" combo. As we were hugging, I pulled out the "We're not clicking" line.

I hated the look of disappointment on his face. I hated that I put it there. He (understandably) cooled considerably upon hearing that I wasn't interested in seeing him anymore. I hate this part.

He kind of creeped me out at that point, so I wandered towards the bookstore and hung out for a few minutes until I thought he'd left. Seriously, I'm a 27 year old woman and I felt the need to hide? L.A.M.E.

Grade: N/A

Up next: Drinks/dinner with Teach - Woo hoo!

Dates #5 and #6

Whew! It was a busy weekend of dating, folks. Let's get right to the action, shall we?

Date #5 - Canoeing with Barback Boy
On Saturday, Barback Boy and I went canoeing with his cousin. Even though we met nearly two months ago, this was only date #3 for us. The canoe trip was a great metaphor for our relationship; pretty laid back, slow moving and occasionally completely stagnant. And yet, it was a really fun time. The sun was shining, the water was smooth and the company was fantastic. We threw back a couple of beers, made one another laugh and had a great time. I really like him.

At the end of the date, he asked me to the baseball game for the next afternoon. Except for that I already had a date planned. (See Date #6) Barback Boy looked a little surprised that I would even tell him about a date with someone else. His response? "I guess when you leave something on the market for too long, it gets snatched up." Envious, Barback Boy?

Grade: A+

Date #6 - Newport Aquarium
On Sunday afternoon, Italian Stallion and I met at the Newport Aquarium for some educational fun. I was already feeling like the chemistry wasn't completely "on" -- but we'd had such great conversations before and he'd admitted he was being a little quiet on our first date -- so I thought it was worth a second date.

So there we were, wandering among the sharks and fishes. We had good conversation. We learned some interesting facts about penguins and got to pet some sharks (weird feeling, kinda like a scuba suit). Afterwards, he bought me a Sno-Cone. We enjoyed people watching and general conversation.

But still no spark.

As we were walking to our respective cars, he asked me if I'd like to do it again. I really, really hated what was coming. But I felt I had to be honest. "I had a really good time, but I don't really feel like we are clicking."

And guess what? He felt the same way! Whew!

Well, okay, not exactly. He said that he agreed, but that he felt like he was really holding back and being really bashful. That he was being really shy and likes me a lot and doesn't feel like he's fully opened up to me. So that is not exactly the same as "not clicking." I suggested that we be friends. I can always use another guy friend looking out for me.

Do I think we'll be friends? Nah. But you never know.

Grade: N/A

Up next: Dinner with Mr. Marvelous tomorrow, dinner with Teach on Wednesday.

Date #4 - FINALLY!

On Friday, Teach and I met for the first time. We'd had a little bit of trouble connecting over the last couple of weeks, so it was nice to finally put a face to a name.

We met at a sports bar for happy hour. I figured if we didn't hit it off, there would be beer and sports to fill the awkward silences. If we did hit it off, there'd be beer and sports to talk about and munchies to enjoy.

As luck would have it, we hit it off! I found that he wasn't at all what I expected from our phone conversations. We had more in common than I thought and he's smarter than he sounds. (Smart counts for a LOT with me.)

Of course, part of the reason the date may have gone well is because my expectations were starting to get a little low. After three dud dates, I didn't have high expectations that I would meet my "one and only" at the sports bar. By keeping my expectations in check, I was able to just open up and enjoy the experience for what it was.

Let that be a lesson to you, fellow single people. Keep your expectations low and you'll never be disappointed. There's nowhere to go but up.

Grade: A-

Date #3

Tonight I had a date with Mr. Marvelous. Here's how it went down.

We decided to meet at J. Alexander's. I have said before that I have this kind of weird, tingly feeling whenever we've had conversations in person. But I think I had a different image of him in my head than who he is in real life. In his photo, he looked like this cute, sort of short-ishy guy, but in real life he is tall and has kind of a weird body shape. Right off the bat I was a little disappointed... the chemistry that I'd felt on the phone just didn't seem to be translating into real life.

But he brought me a pinky/yellowy rose which was incredibly thoughtful and charming. So I tried to set the fact that he wasn't at ALL what I expected aside.

I also felt a little awkward because while not the most expensive steakhouse I've ever been to, J. Alexander's is a nice restaurant. And when I eat steak, I usually eat filet mignon because it is the smallest cut of beef and is always delicious. But on a first date, I feel kind of weird and almost guilty ordering a big expensive meal, even if the dude is the one who suggested it.

It wouldn't be so bad if they guy was planning to order a big expensive meal, too. Unfortunately, when I compared what I was thinking of getting to what he was getting, it was clear that my meal was going to be more expensive. Like, double. And I felt bad about that! So rather than get the glass of wine and the filet that I would normally get, I got a strip steak (uck) and stuck to water. That way, we were a little more on par with one another. And oh yeah, since he doesn't drink at all, I would have felt TOTALLY out of place getting a relaxing glass of pinot noir. Sigh.

Anyway, the conversation was good but I felt like I wasn't being quite myself. I think I was trying to overcompensate for the fact that I was disappointed that I'd built up my expectations of him, and he didn't meet them. And by the end of the date, I was ready for it to be over.

I will go out with him again. Now that I have a better sense of what to expect, I think it will be a little easier. Maybe I can concentrate more on what he is saying and less about how my intuition was so totally off about him. We just had such GREAT conversations on the phone... and I had sort of built him up in my mind and was disappointed by the real thing.

Grade: B-

I treated myself to some fro-yo after my date, and literally bumped into a hottie in line in front of me. We made conversation and while I didn't make a move and neither did he, I was still struck by the fact that you literally could meet someone anywhere.

Date #2

So today I had a date with Tall, Dark and... Skinny. He was exactly as described. Really tall and REALLY skinny.

We went to the Cincinnati Art Museum, which is an awesome place. It was the first time I'd ever been there, and I definitely need to go back. We spent two hours wandering the various exhibits and trying to make converation. But in the hushed reverence of a museum is not the best place to make conversation, especially for the first time.

At one point, I saw him reach onto his belt for a little device. Yeah - he was wearing a pedometer. "This thing must not be working," he said. "It says I've only taken 245 steps!"

[Editor's Note: When I told my mom that, she laughed louder than I've heard in a while. I assumer you're joining her in laughter.]

At the end of the date, he asked me if I wanted to go eat. But the conversation, the chemistry just weren't there. So I declined. I mean, the kid is hugely nice and you can tell he is a total sweetheart, but if it's not poppin', it's not poppin'.

And seriously... a pedometer?! You may want to leave that at home the next time, fella.

Grade: D

Up Next: Dinner on Tuesday with Mr. Marvelous

Date #1

Last night was Date #1 with Italian Stallion.

We met at The Hillside Room, a quiet little restaurant that has a tavern on one side and a restaurant on the other. Unfortunately, Italian Stallion asked me to meet him on the tavern side, so I went in, ordered a beer and waited. Then a fancy-schmancy server beckoned me over to the other side, where my date was waiting. Oops.

The food was good. The conversation was good. He was pretty much what I expected. A gentleman all the way. A little nervous. A few awkward silences. Was the ZING there? Not sure yet... It is really hard to go out with a person for the first time, especially when it's a blind day. It was kind of hard to tell if we were both being ourselves 100 percent; in fact, he mentioned that he was being more quiet than usual. At the same time, I felt like I was having dinner with an old friend. Is the keyword "friend"?

Grade: B+

Let's Get It Started

Well, it's been a couple of weeks now and I'm getting to the point where it's time to start meeting some of these guys. But why should I get right to the good stuff? A little update from the "Not So Much" pile:

Handlebar: This guy had a thick, bushy, handlebar mustache unlike any I've ever seen. NEXT!

Body Builder Boy: When you're lookin' to get the ladies, nothing works better than a shot of you as a body builder, right? Seriously, this guy looked like something off a bottle of protein powder. Yeah, he was cut. CUT UP. And from the looks of it, oiled up, too.

Oh, and I almost forgot! Body Builder Boy actually met me the first time I was on Match.com. I apparently made a great impression, because he emailed me asking, "Do I know you?" When I left our date (the first time around) I wasn't all that impressed, so it wasn't any great loss to write a little, "Not interested" message back to him.

Shy Guy: I actually exchanged a couple of emails with Shy Guy, but I just wasn't feeling the chemistry leap off the screen. I realize that online dating is hard, and it's hard to tell when you're going to click with someone right away. But I figure if I'm not really excited to get your email, I'm probably not going to be that excited to see you in real life. So when I explained that to Shy Guy, he got kind upset, like "Why did you even email me in the first place?" Well how was I supposed to know that I wasn't going to be interested? Seriously... I just do NOT have time for these high maintenance dudes.

Okay, so enough of that. On to the fun part!

Teach: Teach is going to call me this week.

Ad Man: So per my last update, Ad Man asked for my number, and I gave it. I was really excited that he might call me, too. But I have yet to hear from him. So I guess maybe there is no potential there after all. And what should I do? I don't want to stalk him or anything, but it is kind of weird that I just haven't heard from him at all. A quick "Hey, you alive?" email, perhaps?

Italian Stallion: Italian Stallion and I spoke twice last week, for a couple of hours each time. He's funny and sincere and just a doll. He makes me a little nervous because he is young and he is clearly prepared to be in a really serious relationship, which I am not necessarily prepared for. But we're supposed to meet up for a drink or coffee tomorrow, so we'll see what happens - I'll keep you posted!

Baja: We just keep exchanging emails. Always short, always nondescript. But seriously, he's a Grade A Hottie in his pictures, so I think there might still be some chemistry there. Plus, he got a little flirtatious in his email today, which indicates a bad boy side that y'all know I gotta love. So we're keeping up with that one... :)

Maroon 5 Lookalike Guy: Adam Levine's doppelganger is calling me this week. Since he lives about 45 minutes away from Cincinnati, I guess we'll have to meet in the middle somewhere. Then again, that would put me right around West Chester, where...

...Barback Boy lives. He and I had date #2 on Thursday. Baseball game got rained out and we were both tired, so we stayed in, ordered pizza, drank beer and watched movie. He deftly bounced the ball back into my court as I was leaving. I am hoping for date #3 maybe sometime this weekend. It would be nice to get out and DO something, since both of our dates have involved food and a movie. I think he would like that, too.

Mr. Marvelous: I don't know, guys, I have a weird feeling about him. This little weird, tingly, nervous feeling. We haven't even talked on the phone yet!

Irish: Yes, Irish has been added since the last time I updated you. We actually exchanged a few emails but then we both got busy and sort of lost one another. But he reached out again this weekend and so maybe we'll get back into the swing of things and I won't forget about him again.

Tall, Dark and... Skinny: From his photos, Tall, Dark and... Skinny is tall, dark and... skinny! He and I have exchanged a few emails, he is the only person to actually "get" the little intro line from my profile (which is culled from a cheesy easy listening song, thank-you-very-much.) But, like Maroon 5 Lookalike Guy, he lives 45 minutes away and I am SO not into a long distance relationship right now, considering the dismal failure of my last long distances relationship!

And the winks and emails keep coming, so I am going to keep going. Speaking of which, I have eight messages in my inbox, waiting for a response, so I'll be taking my leave now. But check back soon for another exciting edition of my dating diary!!

E-Stalkers!

In my last post, I blogged about the fact that Shaggy ran these lame lines on me and got all crappy about the fact that I am a busy, busy woman with little time for these foolish "I bet I can make you un-busy" games.

I thought I had effectively nipped any further communication in the bud by not responding to any of his messages. But then I get THIS:

Cingle Girl:

I was disappointed last time we talked. I didn't think you would be the type to boast about having 100's of guys coming after you on here. I can tell you though that whether there are 100 guys or 1000 guys on here, you won't find another me.

I wouldn't wait for this "weeding out" process because I may or may not be around when it's said or done. All you have to decide is whether or not I'm someone you're interested in getting to know or not. By now you know enough to decide that.

If you decide you want to do yourself a favor and hang out with a hell of a guy, write back.

---Shaggy

Oh. My. God. You've got to be kidding me, right? Not one to back down from a challenge or a shitty email, I calmly wrote back:

Shaggy:

I think you misunderstood my IM the other day. For the record, I wasn’t bragging about having hundreds of guys lined up to meet me. I was simply pointing out that the response to my profile has been overwhelming and takes a while to wade through. I want to be sure that I look at everyone’s profile and figure out whether they are right for me; you never know who might come along.

I have realized that the best kind of guy for me is someone who isn’t pushy and who respects my decision to take this Match.com experience for what it is: An opportunity try on different people and see who is right for me. My personality is such that if you try to push me into something, I’m going to shut you down completely.

Unfortunately, that is how you’ve come across both in your IM and in your most recent email. Above all, your decision to chastise me for wanting to get to know as many people as possible, as well as your condescending attitude (i.e. “if you want to do yourself a favor”) is both misguided and insulting. I will make my own decisions about who is right for me. I don’t need you to do it for me… especially when you are clearly not the right person for me.

I do hope that you find who you’re looking for on this site… it just won’t be me.

---Cingle Girl

HA! Take that! But apparently, Shaggy, is not one to take rejection lying down. His response, which then effectively caused me to block him, goes like this:

You're only hurting yourself then princess. Go ahead and wade through the sea of losers and when you come out the other end with nothing gained, don't say you didn't have the chance.

tonight I'm going to be at [insert lame country bar here]. I'll be learning the ropes as the kareoke dj and you can come and watch from afar. You won't recognize me as I'll be in a cowboy hat and boots, and I won't even bother to look for you. I think this is the best way for you to see what I'm about without resorting to words or pictures.

If you're not up for the challenge, than I'll know that you don't posess the intestinal fortitude to be with someone like me.

---Shaggy


If by intenstinal fortitude he means an inability to control my gag reflex when I get messages like that, then he's right. I'm just... too... weak...

In all seriousness, ladies and gents, this is why the anonymity is kind of a blessing. Because even though this guy is a complete weirdo, he doesn't know my last name, or my phone number, or (now that I've blocked him) any way to get ahold of me. Unless he finds me through this blog, in which case I'm screwed.

Welcome to Cingle in the City

Welcome to Cingle in the City. This blog is designed to share the stories of a single woman in Cincinnati who is just trying to find someone. Not necessarily Mr. Right. More like Mr. Right Now. Or Mr. Right Now Who Might Be Mr. Right Later But Let's Not Rush And Just See What Happens.

Irreverent. Gutsy. Tongue-in-cheek. These are all ways to describte this blog. It's not meant to be anything fancy. Just a chronicle of one woman's quest to find love in the city of Cin.

Got a funny dating story yourself? Add it to the comments or email me. You can find that info to your right.

And now, sit back, grab a glass of wine and enjoy the first installment of Cingle in the City.

Back in the Saddle Again



Since my last relationship ended a few months ago, I've been in a little bit of a rut. So, tired of my own self-pity and pathetically nonexistent love life, rejoined the social experiment known as Match.com. Things have been... interesting, to say the least. Here's a rundown of the players so far... names have been changed to protect the innocent.


He's a Rhinestone Cowboy: So this guy "winked" at me. (For those of you who either aren't single or aren't in the know, a wink is a casual way of letting someone know you are interested. That way, you don't have to face rejection by email.) He looked like he was 12. In a cowboy hat. Now, it's not that I don't like cowboys, because I do. The tall, dark, studly kind who are all sweaty from a hard day on the range, have some 5 o'clock shadow and have to wet themselves down at the water pump... oh, I'm sorry, did I digress? Ahem. Anyway, this guy didn't look like that at all. NEXT!

Renaissance Man: This guy actually winked at me (and probably every other woman on the site) the first time I was on Match.com. As it turns out, he is a total weenie who hit on me when I was in college, too. Ew. So he sends me a wink and I politely say “no thanks.” Then he sends me an email telling me that he’ll wink again in another six months. I politely say “no thanks” again. I also point out that he hit on me in college and that "I wasn’t interested then and I’m not interested now." Still, he emails me back to tell me that he can be patient and he’ll talk to me soon. I am almost willing to go out with him just to get him to leave me alone.

Marine Boy: So I get an email from this guy – a former Marine who could probably snap my neck in half with just one look – asking if I wanted to chat sometime. He’s 29, divorced and he has two kids. I’m not really interested in dating a guy with two kids and an ex-wife, so I tell him I’m not interested.

Then I get this message: “I guess I ain’t upperclass enough for you?” No, you’re 29, you have two children, you’re divorced and you look like your profile pic is the same as your mug shot. In response, I said, "No, that isn't it. I just am not interested."

[Editor's note: I mean, c'mon. I'm allowed to not be interested. That is the beauty of this Match.com thing! You click, I click and if we click then we click. If we don't, there will be no clicking and you shouldn't take it personally. You know?]

And then: “Whatever then good luck findin a good man on here if your that damn picky then.” Seriously? Ease up, dude. And good luck finding a woman who doesn’t care if you know how to spell.

Shaggy: You know that song, "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy? Well, this guy's username was a bit like the refrain of that song, so I will affectionately (or not so affectionately, as it were...) refer to him as Shaggy. I wasn’t totally into him, but he seemed nice so we exchanged a few emails. Then he IMed me (cuz you can do that through Match.com now…) His opening line: “She lives!” I presume this was because I hadn’t been on the site for a couple of days and hadn’t yet responded to his email.

So I responded, “She lives, she is just busy.” He goes, “I bet I could make it worth your while to be un-busy.” Puh-lease. I realize that it is hard to talk to a tasty lady like myself but seriously? That line is so freaking lame.

So we go back and forth a little bit and I explain that I have a life. I also explain that, as a girl on this Web site, it gets really overwhelming with the number of winks and emails I find it necessary to respond to. His response: “I’ll tell you what. You weed through the bad ones and when you don’t find what you’re looking for, you get back to me. Because hundreds may come and go, but you’ll never find another me.”

Ugh. The line, "It wasn't me" is running through my head. It certainly wasn't him.

But at the end of the day, there are always some silver linings. And here are mine:

Teach: Teach is - what else? - a teacher and a football coach at a local high school. Teach reminds me of a big, goofy, quarterback type. He has some potential, we’ll have to see how things shake out.

Ad Man: Ad Man works in the research department of a local advertising agency. He writes long, interesting emails. He is funny online, which is relatively hard to do. He seems genuine and adorable. Oh yeah, and he has this big, huge smile in all of his photos. So cute! He asked for my number, I gave it. We'll see, America.

Italian Stallion: So this guy is, like, straight out of Sicily. He studied in Italy twice. He is an accountant but he has a personality. He has good taste in music. Oh yeah, and did I mention the Italian part? Only drawback: he’s 25, which is almost a little young for me. I would really prefer to date someone a little older, but pickings are slim in that department, because all of the older guys are the psychos mentioned above.

Baja: Baja works for his family business. I don’t know what that family business is yet, so we’ll see if he offers that information up. We’ve only exchanged a few emails, so there isn’t much more to say about him.

Maroon 5 Lookalike Guy: I think this guy looks like Adam Levine from Maroon 5. 'Nuff said. Meeting for drinks/coffee next week.

Mr. Marvelous: Mr. Marvelous strikes me as this somewhat shy, somewhat nerdy, but still sort of confident and completely adorable. We’ve exchanged a few emails, so it’s nothing to get too excited about right now. But this one has potential, folks…

Barback Boy: No, he doesn’t work in a bar. He works for a title company and we actually met just before I started this whole social experiment. He is charming. We have nothing in common, but he has a lot of qualities that I like. He is 10 years older than me, but who's counting?

So that's it. Fire away, folks.